But by Top 10, I mean these are going to be the Top 10 BEST games of 2009 that I don't care about. Meaning, I am sure they will be awesome for some people, I just am not those people.
Some of you may try to disagree with me. You might even be thinking to yourself right now, "I disagree with you," or if you are man of strong convictions, "I strongly disagree with you." But you know what? You can't. Because I didn't say these were the worst games, I just said I don't care about them. And you can't know better than me what I care about. Unless your psychic. In which case we should meet.
Anyway, these are my Top 10. Enjoy!
1. Brutal Legend
OMG! Tim Schafer is making this game?!?! LOL I have to get it FTW!
Let's be clear, I expect this game will be good. It will probably be very good. For fans of the kind of classic rock/metal that it pays
homage to, this game will probably be nirvana. But I am not one such fan. A game about classic rock legends has me as excited as a game about classic Korean myths. No, I do not know any classic Korean myths. They are probably cool, but I have no prior connection. That's the point.
Some people are stoked for the game simply because Schafer is involved. While I am sure the man has talent, one man does not produce an entire game, and the only game to his company's name right now is Psychonauts. I haven't played Psychonauts either, I hear it is good, but having not played it, you can't expect me to be excited.
So yeah, people will probably have fun driving around in the crazy cars, and swinging their axes. But I'm sick of hearing about this game as if its the second coming of Christ. Get over it guys, its just a game (it hurt me to say that).
2. Starcraft 2
Here's another one that will get me some hate mail.
I am sure, as I was with Brutal Legend, that this game will be good. It will probably be exceptional. People will probably play it for the next 10-12 years, as they di
d with the first. But I don't have to like that fact.
No matter how balanced or creative the original Starcraft was, its old now. And Starcraft 2 doesn't look to be doing much besides adding a new paintjob. So excuse me if I am not excited, but another 10 years on what is basically the same game just sounds repetitive to me. There are so many other games out there, waiting to be tried and explored, that it just doesn't make sense to stick to this one for so long.
Oh yeah, they are also ripping fans off by splitting the game into 3 parts, each of which must be bought separately, for full price. 3 games, 1 campaign each. Thanks Blizzard. You know how to lighten our wallets.
3. The Sims 3
Does the Sims even count as a real game? You guide little digital people around a town, and make them do things that real people do, only digitally. Sounds kind of boring. It's like "The Real Life: The Video Game."
It's in the name, though: Simulator. This is a Simulator game that is supposed to represent something in the real world. Sales have shown that the Sims sells well to girls, which makes sense. You're essentially playing digital Barbie, or digital house, or even digital divorce (what, your little sister didn't play that one?). So.... I'll leave this one to the ladies.
4. Alan Wake
I've been hearing about this one for like 3 years now. It apparently had some really amazing trailer at one of the conferences a while back, and it blew away all the reporters and reviewers, so that they were drooling for more info on the game. But the more info never came. We really know next to nothing about this game, yet everyone acts like its going to be the best thing ever. Call my cynical, but I'm going to wait on this one.
5. Street Fighter IV
Go ahead, say it. You despise me. But you know what? I love you anyway.
I know the game is good, I won't argue that. If it wasn't good, it wouldn't be on this list. But I just really don't care. I never owned any of the originals (though of course I played them), so the whole "nostalgia" thing just isn't there. The "retro" graphics look good, yes, but they haven't filled any gaping holes in my heart with their childhood-completing greatness. Have fun with it, all of you fanboys-from-the-past who have been fulfilled, I won't ruin your fun. Just don't expect us all to be as excited as you are.
6. Rage
I love you id, I really really do. I promise. I played the crap out of Commander Keen back in the day, and I said my prayers to Wolfenstein and Doom like every other good boy.
But this is another one like Alan Wake: there isn't enough info yet to be getting excited. Id hasn't revealed much concrete info on their new shooter, in fact, they revealed so little that many thought it was a racing game. I like the idea that you're adding in cars, it'll be good to see id expanding to conquer new genres. But you haven't told us much beyond this. We don't even know if its coming out this year for sure.
When final screenshots and reliable info start coming out about this game, I will grab my pre-order and set up my tent in the mall. But right now, I'm feeling nothing. It's too premature.
Sure the game will look gorgeous. Sure the controls will be tight. But that doesn't make it fun.
If I am going to be playing pretend racing games, I want the fantasy to be worth it. I want dramatic cop chases (like GTA IV!), or credit for bigger crashes (thanks Burnout!), or even just a slick night-racer look, like the Need for Speed games inspired by Fast and the Furious.
If you want a racer worth looking forward to, look up Split Second. It's going to be a ground-breaking racer (quite literally), with a huge taste for the theatrical.
8. InFamous
This is the PS3 exclusive knock-off of Prototype. As proof, let me retell the conversation that took place when Sony green-lit the game.
-"Hey, some developer wants to make a game about an anti-hero with awesome powers."
-"Kind of like Prototype?"
-"Exactly like Prototype."
-"Go on. I'm listening."
-"Well this guy has all sorts of superhero powers, like lightning and badassery, that make him fun to play."
-"Are the powers more badass than in Prototype? Because badass sells."
-"Oh yeah, it's over 9000 times more badass. He shoots lightning! Like a Sith Lord! And Sith Lords, as everyone here knows, are the pinnacle of badass."
-"So he's extremely badass. Good. But what does he destroy?"
-"Everything."
-"Everything? Is that even possible?"
-"We're not sure, but we're putting it on the back of the box."
-"Good."
-"No, not good. Bad. Extremely bad. That's the point."
-"I see. What about the features? I'm told that Prototype has 'free-roaming,' whatever that means. Can our character do this 'free-roaming' move?"
-"He can not o
nly free-roam, he can roam free, if you know what I mean."
-"...."
-"If you know what I mean."
-"..........."
-"Yes, he can free-roam."
-"Good, that's what I like to hear. Match the competitor, feature for feature. Then add 1 more."
-"That's the whole design philosophy behind InFamous, sir. Prototype has helicopters that you can hijack. And people that you can consume. In InFamous, you can consume helicopter people."
-"Helicopter people?"
-"Yes sir, helicopter people. They have rotors on their head."
-"That doesn't make any sense."
-"But Prototype might do it."
-"Then get them in the game. Now. I won't be caught with my trousers down."
-"They are down, sir."
-"Not if you get helicopter people in the game asap."
-"No sir, I mean they literally are not fully on right now."
-"Oh. My mistake.... what about these memories? I hear they are important for Prototype."
-"I am glad you asked. Not only will InFamous have memories, it will also include a free social networking site, where you can upload or write your memories, whether they are photos or just words. This ensures that our users can consume all of each other's memories as well."
-"Consuming other people's memories?"
-"Yes. It adds replay value."
-"Replay is good. A good buzzword."
-"It's already on the back of the box, sir."
-"But this consumption business. Sounds a bit canabalistic."
-"It is sir. We had problems in testing. But they are worked out now."
-"Excellent. Let's start production right away. It's time for us to be a start."
-"You mean, B A Start. As in, up up, down down, left right, left right, b a start?"
-"Exactly."
9. Killzone 2
Halo 3 on the PS3? I think so. The game has badass armored dudes who have to go to other planets to stop aliens from wiping out humans, with a focus on a co-op campaign and a ton of multiplayer options. And Killzone 2 has the same stuff! Even the character's armor looks similar. I guess I can't blame you, PS3 owners, you're missing quite a treat with Halo 3.
Just last night, for example, a kid sang me a song about pancakes for helping him win a match. Sure it sounded garbly over the Live headset, but how do you think I sounded with a mouthful of pancakes? He even answered my questions about his mom. You don't find co-operative underlings like that on the PS3.
10. God of War 3
Yes it will be awesome. It will improve on everything from past installments and become an instant classic. But I can't get it. So stop rubbing it in :(
*VAGUELY IMPORTANT NOTE ON PHOTOS:
You may notice that all of these pictures are tiny, while the pictures for the Top 10 of 2009 are large. That is because I care less about these games. You may also notice that the picture for Starcraft 2 is from the original Starcraft. You didn't notice? Then you prove my point. Finally, you may notice that I put more pictures on the InFamous article. That's in case you get bored, because not everyone shares my sense of humor. We can't all be perfect.
- Scott
No comments:
Post a Comment